I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
