btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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