is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
