You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
