Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
