I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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