Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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