your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
