we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
