My brain says no but my pants say off.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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