My friends, they love my intelligence
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Floor bacon is actually really good
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
