My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
