someone get that fucking seahorse.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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