i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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