so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
