We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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