Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
