I showed him my bush... on skype.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
