Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
only you would photoshop your dick
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
