i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
