i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Come share oat with me in your robe
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
