Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
