He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
