thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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