i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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