Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
