Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
