I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
