i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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