Moan for me like Helen Keller
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
