She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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