why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
