she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she pinky promised me she was 18
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
