I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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