just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish you could order shots online.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
