I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
