Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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