Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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