she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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