Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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