Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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