You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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