she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm too high and old for this...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
