ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
