I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
