Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize