I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
