He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
