I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
