There is no way he is gay with that hair.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize