It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
