I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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