i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
