sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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