holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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