she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just cropdusted the office
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
