Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
