Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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