why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
