well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
