I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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