At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
