In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
