The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
