Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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