you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
