glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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