Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
