I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
